Realizations that will change the way I look at everything!

So... Yesterday was James and My 2 year Wedding anniversary! How exciting! As many people know, James and I have been through a lot in the time we have been together... Some bad things, but also some of the best times of my life have been spent with this man.

Instead of going out for a fancy dinner or anything like that we just sat around the house, forgetting until almost 10 O'clock at night that it was our anniversary, then we went to bed.

At one point I looked over at him as he slept, the street light bouncing off his face, showing me the dimples that always make me melt and I realized something. I realized that our life has been really hard, maybe harder since we met eachother. We both have pasts that some poeple would cringe at, but since we met it very rarely seems to ease up.

For the last few months, financial strain has really taken its tole on me. I have tried to find a good job that I can be happy doing, but its not easy. I fill in at a restaurant here and there, but its not enough to pay the bills, and my poor husband works as many hours as he can get but our bills almost always exeed our income. Last night while he slept I started thinking about when we first met, and moved in together. For those of you that dont know much about it, we only knew eachother for two weeks, but we both knew right away that we were meant for eachother. Love at first sight sounds stupid but its real and it happens. Anyway, our first apartment was rediculas, it was not worth what we paid in rent, we had no microwave, cable, internet, we ate roman only, we had a twin sized bed, no dresser or closet. We had a total of two plates, 1 cup, and a few forks and Knives, the couch that we had was infested with mice when we brought it into our apartment. The windows were broken letting in some of the scariest bugs I have ever seen in my life, and our neighbors were the most obnoxious people I have ever met in my life.

The funny thing is that, we were so much in love that we didnt notice! We didnt look at the fact that we had a twin sized bed in a way that we were forced to sleep cuddling close, we saw it as being so lucky we had eachother to hold! And though I will never be able to eat Romen again, we didnt look at it like we were too poor for anything else, we looked at it like we get to eat dinner with the person that made us whole!

There are many people in my life that have told me that James would never be the man that I needed, and I was almost believing them. Then last night I realized that I never fell in love with him because I thought he was going to make a lot of money, hell I am pretty sure I knew back then he would never have a 9 to 5! I fell in love with him because of the way he looks at life, and the way he looks at me. With every thing that has gone wrong in his life he is the most optimistic person I have ever met! Since I have known him he has never blaimed anyone else for the mistakes that he has made, and he always tells me that God will take care of anything that we cant! I mean seriously he is a very positive person. As for the way he looks at me, well, I think that in that respect I am the luckiest girl in the world. Aside from the fact that his eyes NEVER wander... Believe me, I have payed attention. No one has ever looked at me and seen the most beautiful girl in the world. It may not sound like a good reason to you. But unless you have ever experienced someone looking straight into your heart and soul, unless you can see the flames in your husbands eyes when you walk into the room, well then you couldnt possibly understand. I don't have to put on make up and a nice outfit for my husband to tell me I am beautiful. after all of this time he still watches me sleep, and very quietly wispers to me that I am beautiful and that he loves me.

Now with this realization, we will still fight like cats and dogs. Really, we will. That is another reason that I fell in love with him, because he is sooooo different from me and yet we can understand eachother better than any one else in our lives. James knows me better than my parents, siblings, friends I have had since high school, and I know him the same way. James is my best friend, no one can make me laugh like he can. No one can look at me and not just know but for the most part understand what I am thinking.

When I woke up this morning there was an odd calm about me. My stress level was down, and I realized that what makes a strong happy marriage, really is not financial stability, its not even compatability because believe me, no one in there right mind would tell the two of us to be friends let alone get married! Its about if you lose everything, would you look at living in a box as a bad thing, or be able to see that you get to be next to this person at night, holding them tight.

P.S. we are not in a situation that we have to live in a box just in case you were wondering, but I would rather live in a box with him, than live anywhere else without him!